I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize