i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
