There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
