i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
