Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
