What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
