I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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