I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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