A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
