im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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