he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
