the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
