He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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