somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
