I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
