I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
