and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
