Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize