i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
