You're completely useless in the revolution.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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