It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
