So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
