my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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