he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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