I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
