he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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