dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
