she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
