I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
