Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Randomize
