She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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