I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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