If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
