Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
