If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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