So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
