no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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