i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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