i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
