i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
