So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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