Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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