Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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