Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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