im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize