College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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