On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
