But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
