Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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