Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
