Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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