He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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