508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I need help removing her.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
