We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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