is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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