C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm both gender and math confused
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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