def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
