Your face is a jimmy john
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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