The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
