Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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