Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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