he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
