over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize