Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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