this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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