I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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