Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
no you cant smoke seaweed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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